Andy Chase

I don't think I'll start to think about where to put the tree this year until next weekend at the earliest, though.Ok, now that it's actually December I'll entertain thoughts of getting my favorite Christmas album down off the CD shelf. I don't think I'll start to think about where to put the tree this year until next weekend at the earliest, though.

Christmas without snow (or at least the possibility of it) is weird enough for me as it is, but it's especially surreal to walk into a Michael's arts & crafts store a week before Halloween and see that they're already selling Halloween decorations for 50% off so they can fill the seasonal aisles with Christmas crap.

A week before Halloween.

I can remember my father's annoyed comments at how early the Christmas frenzy started every year when I was a kid, but I don't think it was ever quite that early.

This year's advertisements are also unsettling in their unabashed celebration of pure material greed... I mean, even more so than in years past. The one ad that makes me want to kick the TV in every time is for Zales jewelry:

Wife sneaks downstairs (presumably on Christmas morning) while Husband is still asleep and opens a small, jewelry sized present she finds under the tree. Cut away to whichever piece of jewelry it is they're hawking. Cut back to Wife, who runs upstairs and hops into bed beside still sleeping Husband, kissing him on the cheek.

"Well, that's cute and nice and all," you think to yourself as this 30-second drama unfolds before you. But then Wife shows her true colors...

After kissing her still sleeping Husband, Wife leans back on the pillow, pumps her fist and hisses "YES!!!" in a manner that's at once vicious and victorious. As the picture fades to black she shoots a sidelong glace at Husband. From this we can infer that if the gift was anything less than a diamond-encrusted gold necklace, Husband would wake up without his penis.

Christmas spirit, indeed. Aside from being really annoying, these commercials are also really alienating; is this how people who can afford jewelry view Christmas and the concepts of gift giving and marriage in general? The marketing folks at Zales seem to think so. These are the people who think they impress all of us Ford/Chevy/Saturn/Honda/Toyota-driving proles with Luxury Sport Utility Vehicles like the Cadillac Escalade, According to another ad I recently heard, the Escalade is THE MOST POWERFUL SUV IN THE UNIVERSE. That'll show us suckers who get 28 MPG and make car payments less than $300 per month.

I'm reminded of the Irish saying:

"If you want to know what God thinks about money, look at the people he gives it to."

On the bright side, it's been quite chilly here in L.A., and I noted a personal milestone a few days back. I mentioned the cold weather in an e-mail to a friend from the midwest, and for the first time I didn't qualify it with "well, cold for L.A." Part of me is horrified to have adjusted to nights in the 40s and 50s as being cold, but the other part of me is glad to drop the obligatory "cold for L.A." disclaimer. Friends and relatives in cold places are always quick to make the distinction anyway.