Andy Chase

How big of an a-hole do you have to be to drive onto a Christmas tree lot with your big SUV and have the attendant tie it to the top when you're ready to go?Ok. When I saw somebody doing this last year I laughed and shrugged it off as a random incident, bound to happen in a place as saturated with SUVs as Los Angeles.

But this year I've seen it happen three more times (most recently this afternoon), and it's not funny any more.

Now, it's a given that about 99% of the people who buy SUVs in Los Angeles aren't going to actually use them for all the stuff they show in the commercials;

"But if I drive on gravel or dirt I might pit the paint!"

"But if I drive through a stream I might get mud un the undercarriage!"

But for the love of God, if you drive a Sport UTILITY Vehicle with ALL THAT CARGO ROOM and you buy a Christmas Tree from the corner lot, DON'T TIE IT TO THE TOP OF YOUR FORD GODDAMN EXPEDITION!!!! THAT'S WHAT THAT BIG EMPTY SPACE IN THE BACK OF YOUR GODDAMN 5 MPG "MINIVANS ARE BELOW ME AND I'VE GOT MORE MONEY FALLING OUT OF MY ASS THAN I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH" STATUS SYMBOL IS FOR!!!!

How big of an a-hole do you have to be to drive onto a Christmas tree lot with your big Jeep/Ford/Chevy/Honda/Toyota* SUV and have the attendant tie it to the top when you're ready to go?

I mean, if you didn't buy the damn thing so you can at least use the cargo space, what did you buy it for? Where do you draw the line for what you'll deign to allow in the back of your SUV? Lumber? Nooooo, you might get a splinter in the upholstery. Potting soil? Nooooo, the bag might burst and get dirt everywhere! A big screen TV? Nooooo, a staple from the carton might snag the carpet!

What the hell is wrong with people? It's shit like this that gives Los Angeles (and California in general) its flaky reputation.

* Lincoln/Cadillac/Lexus/BMW SUV owners are excluded from the list because the act of buying a "Luxury SUV" is in itself an act of supreme assholery, and I'm sure no self-respecting Luxury SUV owner would ever let anything so crude as a Christmas tree see the inside of their vehicle; it might get pitch on the Corinthian Leather!